It delights me the wealth of opportunities available to us to feel better naturally. You don’t have to fall back on sex, drugs, and rock & roll to get that feel-good feeling. (I do give music and sex a big thumbs up however!)

As for “drugs,” sometimes we do need something to regulate or boost our system. We had a gal teach us about Bach flower remedies. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google it or go to your natural foods store. Another month, a woman presented Aromatherapy and we had a smell fest. Simply breathing in certain scents can bring you back to a state of calm.

Fun stuff, right?! I know! And so simple! That’s the kicker, we often overlook the simple stuff.

One of the simplest is remembering to pause and take a breath. A few deep breaths amidst whatever “crisis” you’re in can return perspective in a jiffy. Deep breathing affects your heart and your brain, the two things we need when making decisions. When faced with a dilemma, instead of saying, “I need to think on it,” try “I need to breathe on it.”

Last month we had a reflexologist teach us points on our hands and feet that we can rub to relieve pains and symptoms throughout the whole body. If you have a headache, you can rub along the hand under the thumb.

We’ve had a gal come and provide chair massages too. Coming up we have EFT Emotional Freedom Technique (some call it tapping). When you are freaking out about something coming up in your life, you can tap meridian points on your face and body to relieve the distressing thought.

The benefits of laughter cannot be underestimated as well. We’ve had laughter exercises as part of the club meetings, but always we laugh whether it be an “exercise” or not. Laughter may be the first thing that comes to mind when someone asks how to feel better quickly, easily, and on the cheap.

That’s a great example too, because everyone can relate to an experience of feeling better, even in a tough time, because of a good laugh. Laughter can break the tension in a room, laughter can unite people, laughter does a world of good in a world of ways.

What it boils down is that there are countless way to help ourselves feel better naturally. The root word there is nature.

A quick, easy, and free way to feel better immediately is to go outside. A hike in nature is highly recommended, but if you are at work, all you need to do is step outside and breath some fresh air. (That means stepping away from the smokers.)

Take a ten minute break and simply go outside. Do nothing but breathe. That tiny pause in your day will change the momentum of the entire rest of your day. When it feels like you are going to implode and you don’t think you have time to take a break, that is exactly when you need to do so.

Even if all you have is a parking lot to wander, take a look at the sky. Maybe there is a tree or a flower somewhere. Maybe a bird. If not, imagine them there. Pretend there is a glorious mound of purple wildflowers right under the parking lot lights.

Some of the other ways I’ve taught how to feel better on the cheap include coloring, blowing bubbles (with a wand and with gum), blowing a party horn, Silly Putty, Play-Doh, anything like that. Keep a tiny jar of Play-Doh in your drawer. You’ll be amazed how two minutes spent in creating a clay dog changes your whole day.

Another low cost item is a hula hoop. If you don’t have room in your workplace, keep it your car for those breaks to the parking lot or a lunch time escape.

There are many quick, easy, and cheap ways that you can implement a mood booster into your day. What works for you?

Our society seems to think it’s a standard for womanhood, that one must bear children. Bullhockey. I know this can be a great source of sadness for those who long to have a child, and I don’t mean to push any buttons. I’m simply trying to say, not so eloquently, that being a mom or not being a mom does not define a person.

When I married Prince Charming, (a year ago May 1, thank you very much), some people asked if we were going to have a baby. That made us choke and laugh! His sons are early twenties and mine are late teens. We have each raised wonderful young men and know the joys and heartaches of parenthood. We don’t need a child “together” to solidify our love or be a symbol of our commitment.

This Mother’s Day, my wish for you is that YOU are okay with YOU, in your skin, right here, right now. Whether you’re a mom or not, whether your mom is still alive or not, whether you get along with your mom or not. YOU are just fine. Got it?

Do not let a day on the calendar or sappy cards in the stores get you all crazy.

Life is not Hallmark card commercials. The hype of society and television ads distort what is real and true.

This is you, this is your life. If you have a mom that you love, tell her. If you have a mom that you miss having in your life, tell her. Even if she is no longer on this physical plane, tell her.

If you have a mom that you do not get along with and you want to make it better, tell her. If you have a mom that you do not get along with and you no longer want to spend the energy trying to make it better, let it go. Love yourself first.

That’s the real message. Love yourself first. We get caught up in the frenzy of what we think a “perfect life” is, and we assume everyone else has it all together. May I remind you again that you are just fine.

This weekend, whether you’re a mom or not, whether you have a mom or not, whether you give a rip or not, do something nice for yourself. Amidst the hoop-de-doo, take a pause. What makes you feel good? When is the last time you have partaken of anything simply for pure enjoyment?

If your kids don’t go out of their way to do anything grand for you, big deal. When is the last time you have done anything grand for yourself?

If you do have a lovely day with your family, and that brings you joy, feel it deep in your soul. That is your something grand you are doing for yourself.

There is no one way and there is no right way. Don’t be bullied by the media into believing there is.

If you find yourself comparing yourself to others this Mother’s Day, please catch yourself in the act and stop. My Mom’s Day gift to you, no matter your situation, is to tell you once again: You are just fine.

We all want to be heard. I typed heart instead of heard. Typo or subliminal message? When we really listen, we are engaged with our heads and our hearts. We are giving our most precious thing, our attention.

I recall the story I heard years ago of a little girl telling her mommy all about her day as the mother was in the kitchen making dinner. The mom was going about her business saying the standard “yes, dear” or
“really” or “that’s nice.”

The little girl stopped and said, “You’re not listening!”

The mother replied, “Of course I am.”

The little girl said, “Not with your eyes.”

We all know the stereotypical feeling of talking to a partner or a parent who mumbles and nods but doesn’t look up from the newspaper. Today it would be talking to someone while they are online or messing with their phone. We want to be heard and seen. Listening is a full contact sport.

The strict definition of listen is to give attention with one’s ear. That’s a good start, but maybe we should truncate to simply mean to give attention.

As you go about your day, do you listen with ears and eyes? Observe yourself. With co-workers. With your partner. With your kids. With other family members. With friends. With the waitress.

Do you make eye contact with the bank cashier? The dental hygienist? The insurance man?

When the clerk at the drugstore gives you your change or receipt, do you just grab it and go, looking down into your purse or do you look up, make eye contact with another human, and say thanks?

Two years ago when I launched our local Happiness Club, I showed the video called Validate. The guy who validated parking tickets also looked at people and gave sincere compliments. People lined up around the block to be seen and heard, and validated.

Search around You Tube to find it. It’s about fifteen minutes long. See if you notice a change in you as you go about your day. Your attention is your power. When you give attention to your problems, they magnify. When you give attention to your gratitudes, they grow. When you give attention to another, they shine.

Where are you shining your beam of attention?

The smallest act of attention can someone start to heal. I often share the story someone told me. This gal stopped at the gas station after work to get a gallon of milk. As she walked in, she held the door for a lady whose arms were full. This lady got teary and said, “Thank you, that is the nicest thing anyone has done for me all day.”

Holding the door open.

Start to pay attention to how well you are paying attention.

“Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  Leo Buscaglia said that. I second it. Do we have any thirds?

Deb explained that she would go in and take a look at my chakras and report back to me before going back in to do any clearing. I put the phone on speakerphone, and settled into my red couch in my sun room, put my feet up, and closed my eyes to breathe and relax.

My mental chatter slowed and thanked me for taking time out to take care of me, something I teach my clients. I of course continued to think how I would describe the session to my husband and how I’d write about it, so my mental chatter didn’t totally subside. That is one of the reasons I need to take time out for me.

I was feeling all proud of myself and chitchatting away in my head when a sob welled within me. I felt like I could burst into a bawl, yet didn’t. Wow, what’s going on in there? I thought.

When Deb came back on the line, she started with my root chakra. Her insights and observations intrigued me. When we got to the heart chakra, she stated she sensed a sadness in me. I told her how I had felt the urge to cry.

In general, I do not hold back my tears and I do not suppress my feelings. As Deb and I talked, we think the root of that sadness deep in me is the onset of my upcoming empty nest. I have the typical mixed emotions of many moms when their babies leave home, and have expressed, I thought, quite fully.

My firstborn is 19 and in college in Arizona. He is staying there for summer. My baby just turned 18 and leaving for college in the fall. I am happy and proud, and yet part of me was denying that I needed to fully mourn the passing of their childhoods.

It is the natural path, our children grow up to leave us. My sons know I shed tears that are a mix of all my emotions, yet I never confessed the sadness. I always said it was love and pride. Having that intense swell in my chest caught me off guard. Yes, I feel sad and a need to mourn. My babies are now young men. As much as I delight in that, a part of me feels sad. There, now I said it.

There’s another part of my gut too that I need to face. The joys of being their mom are part of the fiber of my being, yet I also am ready for them to fly off and make their own joy independent of me. I’m tickled for me too to be able to fly too in new ways when I have that new independence. For that admission, I feel guilty.

Enjoying the freedom that an empty nest brings is a joy, and I need feel no guilt. That’s a biggee for me.

Having Deb go back in and clear out that sadness (along with all the other chakra issues we addressed) was a gift. As I sift through all the photos of my sons through the years, I smile. I am grateful for our times together. I look forward to our respective futures and feel no guilt.

Pretty powerful session, yet so calm and relaxing. Deb says one usually feels better a few days after and I found this to be true. Looking forward to my next session already.

It breaks my heart when women think this is as good as it gets. It is equally tragic when a young girl does not allow herself to believe it can get better.

My son is a high school senior. This week, a girl at his school committed suicide. She was a sophomore. She didn’t believe it could get any better.

Everyone who hears stories like this is devastated. So young. So much ahead of her.

I wish every woman, every girl, lived from a deep place of secure inner knowing and had trust in herself. I wish everyone had self-love and self-confidence. That is what happiness really is.

Happiness is peace. A happy person knows self-love. Self worth.

A happy person can cut herself some slack, be it school girl pressures or grown up girl pressures. A happy person can get rid of the china cups that she doesn’t like, even if they were from Great Aunt Ruth. A happy person takes a little bit of time for her own self care and does not feel guilty. A happy person knows self care is not selfish, it is the ultimate act of compassion.

A happy person can say no. A happy person can lose that weight, get that job, and take that trip. A happy person can fall in love.

A happy person has learned to listen to her heart.

We can all learn how to get happier. We first have to decide that we are worth it. After that, the rest comes much easier.

Women sometimes tell me that they would love to take my Joy Beyond Your Dreams program, they say they want it and need it, yet they can’t bring themselves to spend money on themselves. The car needs tires. The house needs this. The husband needs that. The kids need everything. The dog needs that. Everyone and everything comes before their own well being.

I get that. I do. I have the people pleaser gene too. I also know that happiness habits can change our DNA. We are not destined to be anything we do not allow.

If you are stuck and stressed, you have to first decide that you no longer want to be stuck and stressed. The how-to stuff to increase happiness and confidence is actually pretty simple. First, you have to make up your mind that you want something more/better/different. You have to make up your mind that you are worth it.

You know I preach the joy journal – tracking every day the little things that brought you joy, made you smile, made you feel a tiny bit of appreciation. The other part of the joy journal is to write three things you like about you.

That is your joy assignment. In this culture we live in, we need to remind ourselves of our beauty and worth. Every day, jot three things you like about you. It can be physical traits, it can be personality traits. I like my green eyes. I like my decorating flair. I like how I handled that conversation with my colleague.

Please, take the time to learn to like yourself again. Put yourself in a place of honor in your own life.

If you cannot think of three things you like about you, find someone to talk to. Reach out to a trusted advisor or friend. Message me via email or Facebook. Call my toll free number.

Our souls came here to know joy. Believe that it can get better. If you are distraught, know that it will get better. Let yourself believe it. Happiness. Self-love. Trust. Believe it. Inner peace is what we all want. Start today.

I learned how to read. And write. And do all kinds of things. The best thing I’ve learned took a long time though. I’ve finally learned to be happy.

It’s a learned behavior, and I teach it now, to women all over the country, everywhere. ANYONE can get happier, IF they choose.

Dang. Now you tell me.

Happiness is a state of being. As Emerson said, we are conditioning our circumstances, not the other way around. Happy first, improved circumstances second.

Happiness is also like building up immunity and resiliency to the stressors of life. I used to crumble. I used to be depressed. I used to be “normal” and looked at the negative.

My change started with three people: Me, myself, and I. I decided that I wanted to feel better, lighter, more at peace. Then I implemented practices and daily habits to get me in that groove.

Now it – happiness – is a state of being, and I’m the local joy fairy. Life is full of surprises.

The first practice I always teach is the joy journal, keeping track of gratitudes. You’ve heard me say it a million time because it’s true. Appreciation is the state of allowing happiness to flow to us.

Helping others is a happiness booster too. The Happiness Club is a double do-good. It’s my love gift to the community (giving back really does feel good!), and in teaching happiness how-to’s, I’m uplifted too as well as those who attend the meetings. We teach what we need to learn.

Our Happiness Club of Loves Park launched on April 1, 2010. We just celebrated two years with big cakes, one edible and one inflatable.

According to Lionel Ketchian of Fairfield, CT, the first person to create a Happiness Club, “Happiness is an inner state of well-being that enables you to profit from your highest thoughts, intelligence, wisdom, awareness, common sense, emotions, health, and spiritual values.”

Sounds good to me. Want some?

There are Happiness Clubs all over the nation and world. Our local group consists of a core of regulars and we have new people come each month. It’s not a “club” with a membership roster, dues, or commitments. No secret handshakes. It’s simply a gathering of people who want to live happier.

If you are interested in finding a Happiness Club in your area, or in starting one, go to www.happinessclub.com. If you live in northern Illinois, join me the first Thursday of every month at N. Suburban Library of Loves Park from 6:30 – 8pm. It’s free and open to everyone. Tips and techniques to increase your happiness. Plain and simple.

You will learn something, you will laugh, you will leave feeling lighter. We serve snacks too.

If you have questions, or want to learn more, contact me via email or toll free 888-637-3563.

Happiness is an inner state of well being. Some would say outrageous joy. I say it’s a quiet confidence. Liking me and liking my life. If you cannot look in the mirror and say you like yourself and you like your life, we need to talk. ANYONE can get happier, even a worry wart from the womb.

First you have to decide.

Are you ready?

Let me repeat. I was not born happy, and I’ve become a happy person. It’s a learned behavior, and I teach it now, to women all over the country, everywhere. ANYONE can get happier. Happy first, improved circumstances second. Maybe that makes sense to you, maybe it doesn’t. A lot of things in life don’t really make sense. What feels better? Feeling crappy and weighed down? Feeling lighter?

I choose feeling lighter.

Thank you to all who attend Happiness Club and for celebrating two years of joy spreading. Whowuddathunkit?! Life is full of surprises. Maybe you getting happy can be one of them.

Looking forward to hearing from YOU!

I’m a happiness coach and yet I am not in charge of anyone’s happiness. That was quite an obstacle for me: I make people happy, dammit.

No, I don’t.

Now, I get it. I can offer what I know, what works for me, and I can let my light shine. In doing so, I help others. In doing so, it’s silent permission for them/you to do the same. In doing so, I cannot change anyone else. That is up to them.

All of life is a choice. Every day is a choice. Every minute is a choice. If I get stuck on a thought that makes me feel bad, I can stay there replaying it and replaying it, or I can muster up every ounce of strength and force myself to insert a new thought.

That’s what I teach in my joy programs, how to recognize when we go down that path and how to switch to a new path. How to build those internal confidence muscles.

For some, it clicks. Their awareness multiplies and life opens up. Joy!

Others think I’m nuts. There’s nothing I can do about that.

I’ve learned to be me. That means I don’t apologize for being happy. I don’t apologize that I found love again. I don’t apologize for growing my business.

I’m not any different or any better than anyone else. I’m the former unhappy IRS agent who divorced after twenty years who had to leave a grocery store one night with no food because the card rejected.

I get gray hairs and pimples. I get frustrated. I cry. I have unanswered questions.

And every day I wake up and I decide how I want to be. Who I want to be. Why I want to be.

I read stuff that inspires me. Today it’s the famous Marianne Williamson quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

–Marianne Williamson

I chose to let my light shine. I have played small and felt small. It is so much more fun to expand.

The light is in every one of us. Step into your light today, even if you just stick one toe in it. How’s it feel?

Don’t fear your light.

I want to shake my magic wand at you and poof make the fear be gone! For some, it falls away quickly. For some, it’s a longer process. For all, it’s possible.

Stop putting yourself down, holding yourself back. Ease into it. Let your light start to flicker. Turn up the knob. A little more every day. Let your light shine. Be you, your way.

I am not blinded by your light. I am awash in it. I feel the glow, the energy, and it shines the light on my path and takes me farther than I thought I could go. I thank you. Thank you for shining your light on me. Keep shining. Keep shining.

Do you have a favorite song? A favorite singer? A favorite book? A favorite author? A favorite movie? A favorite actor/actress?

I cannot pick one favorite in any category. Different songs, singers, books, authors, movies, actors/actresses move me differently at different times.

Perhaps I could pick my top ten, yet that would even change depending on my mood. When I’m mellow, I want Little River Band. When I’m mocking melodrama, I want Meatloaf. When I’m feeling my oats I want Billy Idol or Pink.

On any given day, I could bounce between Prince and the Partridge Family and be equally enthralled with what they give me. Sometimes I want big band and sometimes I want a little country.

That’s the beauty of life. That’s the beauty of expressing of who we are. We all have our unique gifts to offer the world. The world needs more than one singer. The world needs more than one writer. The world needs more than one actor.

One of my favorite quotes (I have many favorite quotes too of course; can’t pick just one) is from Howard Thurman: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

I could have hung back and not submitted my writing to any editors. There are a million writers in the world. Does the world really need another writer?

Yes.

Writing makes me come alive. Since I have come alive via writing, my world has opened beyond anything I could have imagined. My career has evolved into speaking and now life coaching. My life really is joy beyond my dreams, the name of my company.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what you need. That is the path to follow. It will lead you to your joy beyond your dreams.

The world needs people who have come alive. In that igniting of your own spark, you also knowingly and unknowingly light the spark in others.

The act of coming alive by following your bliss, pursuing your passion, creates a chain of inspiration.

Through example and mentoring, I now see people come alive in their areas of interest, be it writing, acting, singing, painting, starting businesses, going back to school, etc.

What makes you come alive?

Are you holding back, telling yourself we already have a glut of dentists, doctors, lawyers, sculptors, teachers, scientists, artists, performers, writers, comedians, etc?

Think of your favorite in any category. Aren’t you glad they followed their heart and took the chance to become what they are now – your favorite? If that person would have talked himself/herself out of it, your life would be missing that dab of inspiration they give you.

The favorite does not have to be famous. We have favorite teachers, favorites in any profession or trade, folks who love what they do, be it plumbing, landscape design, or cooking. They don’t do it for the accolades. They do what they love because they love it.

The more we see people who are joyous in their work, it lights us up. The ripple effect is powerful.

The world needs people who have come alive. What makes you feel alive?

Once you get past the miracle of making it through such an accident, you have to deal with the nitty gritty of getting back to living. As I write, he’s still in a rehab facility. He’ll get to go home soon, yet the long road of recovery is many months.

We all experience the “emotional roller coaster” sometime throughout our lives, yet some experience it with such gravity-defying heights and sudden twisting stomach-turning drops that would leave me panting and puking.

I’ve never had a near death experience. Don’t really want to. I’ve met people who have. They say it’s a gift.

They liken it to a “get out of jail free” card. A hall pass to let go of all the shoulds, duties, and expectations. We get so hung up living life to please others or get stuck in the rut of living life on auto pilot. An illness or an accident can be a wake up call and hand you a free pass to live life head on.

If you want to quit your job and do something else, do it. If you want to travel to exotic locations, do it. If you want to run for political office, do it. If you want to grow a beard and a ponytail, do it. If you want to take ballet lessons, do it.

I imagine that if one is lying in a rehab bed, the barrage of thoughts that run through the head would include “What do I want to do now with the rest of my life?”

People who have come out on the other side of illness or accidents often have a deeper peace. They start listening to that inner voice deep inside. All the years of playing roles and getting wrapped up in what society/our peers/our family thinks can be released.

The biggest freedom comes when we stop caring what other people think. When you face death head on, what others think of you is not a top priority in your mind.

People who have gone through it may start conversations with “After the accident, I really started living.” “After the illness, I really knew what mattered to me.” “After I went through rehab, I decided I wanted to….”

Guess what?

Most of us don’t get that opportunity handed to us. Most of us don’t face illness or accident. You don’t need to go through something like that to start living from your inner voice, your IV. You can choose right here, right now, to live like you want to.

Really, what are you waiting for? Do you need to get sick or get in an awful accident before you start paying attention to you and what your heart is telling you?

The way to approach life for maximum enjoyment is to live from a place of gratitude. Be grateful for everything you have now. Start and end each day with appreciation. I knew my friend was okay, and going to be okay, when his first email started out with a humorous approach to explaining he was in an accident. Today he’s grateful for the return of normal bodily functions.

A sense of humor, even in the darkest moments, helps healing. A sense of gratitude, even in the darkest hour, helps growth.

I don’t wish accidents or illness on anyone. I don’t wish anyone to go on robot-like, living life with the blinders on either.

Every day, we all have a choice. How are we going to live? What are you waiting for? I hereby give you permission to live life your way. Here is your hall pass. You are free from others’ expectations. It’s between you and you. Put your hand on your heart and ask: What sounds good?

As I step into a more vibrant life, I like more colorful surroundings. Not BAM in your face gotta-get-your-attention color, just expressions of some lively fun.

I never thought I’d have red furniture. I love it. I eat my breakfast every day on the red loveseat in the sunroom. I look out at the trees, watch the squirrels, and feel peace.

Red Couch Conversations in front of the fireplace warm my heart. The walls are a soft lavender, called Elation. It’s what I feel in this house, this life.

My friend Artist Angie painted words all around our kitchen. My heart is happy every time I look at them. This is my fairy tale, I’m writing it, and I want words, colors, and images surrounding me that keep me in that flow. She just painted a castle on a hill in our bedroom.

As we contemplated color choices for the home office, I googled “color of joy.” Orange. Indigo. Lots of rainbows.

I wanted a combination of soothing color to keep me clear and relaxed, and a vibe of creative energy to keep my juices going.

My last home office at the condo was a neutral tan. In realtor standards, fine. To me, it was the color of a drab bandage. Ugh. We painted it Poetic Light and threw glitter on one wall. Ahhh.

This home office at our current abode came with white walls. Fine for a hospital or a chef’s kitchen, but I crave more pizzazz. My teenage girl bedroom was hot pink. Many great thoughts came to me in that room.

Color affects us. Color psychology says pink is sweet and romantic, less “violent” than red. Pink is associated with girls and femininity. Pink is symbolic of pure love. Pink represents tranquility.

Pink is generally associated with positive images, and innocence, like bubble gum and cotton candy. We are in the pink when we are healthy. We are tickled pink when we are delighted.

There are many shades of pink. I read on one website that pink is a good color for a creative office. Pink is insightful and intuitive. It is the passion and power of red softened with the purity, openness and completeness of white.

Writers can wax poetic on any color. Ultimately the choice is what feels right for me. We went with Free Spirit and Dahlia, shades of pinks and purples.

What feels right for you? What colors do you use in your favorite spaces? What feelings does your space exude?

When you are in your kitchen, how does it feel? How about your bedroom? Does it feel welcoming and relaxing? The living room?

Try inserting a few touches of color here and there to see if you feel any differently. A splash of color can ease you into changing the color scheme. Sometimes a splash of color is all you need.

What is the color of joy? That is totally up to you. Your space, your joy. And it’s only paint. It can change with you as your tastes change. EnJOY!